Gir likes cookies
by Ominou5
Summary: And tacos. He Reeeeeeaaly likes tacos.  Warning: tentacle lemon later in story.  EDIT: Put on Valve time until further notice. Sorry!
1. Chapter 1

A/N; I wrote this fic out of sheer frustration that there isn't a lot of lemons about gir.

gir wasn't allowed to touch things in Zim's base. He was barely allowed to go near the kitchen where the transport was to the base. And he understood why, _**OH he understood why. **_It was a boring day when Gir went to the 24 seven to retrieve his chocolate-bubblegum suck monkey without having correct change. "He-hay dog you can't-" the cashier was interrupted when Gir threw twenty earth monies at the cashier. "tffffff-tfff-shhhhhhh-tf-tffffffffff" Gir could be heard slurping loudly as he exited the store. He decided to walk to the mall, his attention span not being something to flaunt about. "I know, I'll get a movie from the place with the person with lotsa zits! He smells like turtles!" Gir skipped down town to the mall, happily singing about tacos. "Wrt, tchhh, wr-wr-wr Tch-tch, must obey the taco man! wow,-" He was making dubstep noises and vinyl noises, like a beatboxer-dj guy. He had finally reached the mall and walked inside inconspicuously. He hopped into the dvd return slot and climbed out of the basket to look for the movies. He still had ten monies left. "dooodee-do-do dooo, bap-bad-um tss tss tss-" Gir had apparently developed a sense of melody along his walk, something that would have been easily forgotten, if it weren't for his pre-existing affection for beatboxing. He had unknowingly stumbled into a room filled with dvds, most of them had pretty ladys on the covers. "HI, pretty ladeh!" Gir said looking at a dvd. The dvd didn't respond. It only sat there, longing fo- "Hey, whats dis one? Gir found a dvd with tentacles on the cover. "Oooh, I like squirrels." Gir said dimwittedly. He unzipped his head zipper and threw the dvd in, while bursting all the way to the front of the store-And ran out of fuel. He had emptied it out for tuna again. He hopped on one foot over to the counter and silently gave the clerk the movie and the monies. he looked at the dvd, and then Gir. "Hey wait a minute, how does a dog hop on one leg?" He looked at Gir who was still balanced and oriented, and sucking tina from his jets. "Oh well. Never met a doggie contortionist, but there's a time for every thing." He handed Gir the dvd to balance in his head. He hopped home the entire way, exited about watching a new walked inside, still depriving the suck monkey's own spectrum, at this point. "hmm hm hm hm hmm, hm hmmm!" Gir hummed as he inserted the dvd into the player. He went back to the couch not even bothering to take his disguise off. The movie started slow, about some school girl, who was probably in college, struggling with her studies. "Hey wit a minute, squirrels don't have tentacles, dolphins do!" Gir said, almost critiquing it. Then the schoolgirl was walking down a dark alleyway, in a tight skirt and white uniform. All of a sudden, dripping wet tentacles emerged from the darkness, and swooped the young lady from her feet. "aaaagh!" the lady yelled. The tentacles started ripping off her skirt revealing what looked like sideways lips to Gir. "What's that do?" Gir said, genuinely curious about the human's anatomy. He wasn't familliar with this sort of thing. Being, well, Gir. Gir's timer went off, alerting him that it was time to go. "Yay, dancey time!" Gir didn't bother removing the disc and left to go rave. He decided he would ask the ladies there about the thing Gir had been contemplating about the past five minutes.

Gir opened the door, and a gust of wind blew into his face, almost knocking him into the punchbowl. He asked a dj for a request, and went out to the dance floor. the music started out with a drumroll, then turned into a simple techno beat with fourth notes, slowly fading in the vocal sample, then the synths. Gir's brain struck gir with a pang of reminder. "Hey lady?" Gir looked to a woman with curly hair, wristbands, and a blue-yellow striped shirt with shorts. "Aw, what do you want little guy?"

"Can you tell me what that thing is between your legs is?" GIr said rather monotonous.

"Here, follow me." Unbeknownst to Gir, this lady had obviously consumed enough alcohol to show a small green plush talking dog her navel. She escorted gir to the ladies room, and brought him into a stall. Some people cheered as Gir was being taken. It was a greyish-blue, with a black tiled floor and a white ceiling. "Okay. So, you wanna get into my pants?" the lady said. "I guess so, I guess." Gir was exited about learning. The lady unzipped her shorts and let them fall to the floor. "He-he, you gots piggy undies!" Gir said. The ladie- "My name's cheryl, by the way." Cheryl pulled down her panties to reveal what Gir had expected. He pondered and pondered for about half an hour. Neither of them knew because, one was drunk, and one was Gir. What's this dooooooo?" Gir said putting extra emphasis on "What's".

"Wait-um, so.. you don't really know, dog?" Cheryl said, almost saddened by this fact. She was reeeally horny, to say the least. "well, this a vagina... aaand it helps with making babies- "I LIKE babies piggies!"- ...and it tastes like chocolate and caramel when you lick it." Gir, enthralled by the promise of candy flavour, immediately lunged forward and started licking the sideways lipped Discovery he'd made. She had lied, about the chocolate, but it did taste... lemony. Cheryl moaned and pushed Gir's head forward, tongue probing deeper into her clit. Gir noticed how happy she was and started extending his tongue to reach further. Gir liked to make people happy, and apparently this was a very good way. He rolled his tongue, almost like a wave, and increasing cheryl's pleasure. "ohh goddd..." Cheryl moaned and arched as the feeling of a sudden burst coming closer and closer and closer. "ahh, ah!" She eventually climaxed, spraying Gir with copious fluids, which he was happy to clean up. "Hey! You falled aspleep!" Gir said looking at the now collapsed Cheryl. He exited the bathroom, and was greeted by a cheering crowd. He shrugged it of and started dancing his signature dance. A song by the same band who's music played earlier. Derezzed.

Gir, being a SIR unit at heart, wanted nothing more than to retrieve more information about this topic.

* * *

><p>AN; so how was that? R&R please!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N; After looking over the last chapter, this will be linger substantially.

Gir decided to ask the big computer man, because the girl at the club passed out drunk after her climax. "Hey mr computer guy?" Gir asked. "What do you want, dog?" The computer said rather aggressively. "whatchoo call the thing between a ladies legs that tastes like lemooons?" Gir asked the computer guy who was shocked, to say the least. Actually, Gir forgot what the lady had told him, so that is why he was asking the computer. "Well Gir, it is a reproductive organ used by females to make babies."

"Do ladies like it if you lick it laik a lollipop?"

"Well, Yes. That is called sexual euphoria, It is a side-effect from having intercourse."

"What's intercourse?" Gir asked. This went on and on for hours on end. The computer complied, as long as Gir didn't annoy the Fucilick acid out of him.( U C WAT I DID THAR?) "And that is the history of tentacle erotica." The computer had just completed reading 10-fifteen hundred pages about tentacle rape. Gir just said; "Wow..." and laid there for a few minutes, contemplating what he had just learned. That's right. He learned something other than tacos are delicious. This meant dangerous. Gir being obsessed with a topic like this is just- "RUN FOR YOUR DAMN LIVES!"-Kind of dangerous. And right then and there, Gir hatched a plan for this evening. He snuck down to the base. It was 6:00 in the morning, and Zim was dazed and unaware of Gir loudly rummaging through piles and piles of technological crap that Zim had tinkered with in the last few weeks. "Come on, where is it?" Gir told himself as he found the blueprints he was looking for. These were the reverse engineering Zim had done when steling Artificial Beaver technology, Which was used to create synthetic muscles and skin for the beavers. All Gir needed now was a schematic. He took out a notebook from his non-existent pockets that were invisible, and started to draw out crude-looking maps for muscles that controlled smooth, thin, tongue-like tentacle that could be moved around very versatilely. He scrapped that idea, because then he would be able to feel pain from them. He then decided on building robot tentacles, and then encasing them in a synthetic, slimy muscle-material. So the tentacles were done, he just needed to test them out. He cut a hole in the back of his doggy suit to let them roam free, and attached them to an expansion port. He went to the 24-seven and held 17 Suck monkeys. one cherry, one blueberry, strawberry, bannana muffin, chocolate bubblegum, pecan pie, Orange-bluContrast, seven nation army, black math, Funky color 9, Nyan, Rainbow Dash, green, PotatoSkins, leather, Sodium chloride, and Cell phone. He Got the seventeenth one free due to the deal at the store. He also got a free 17-straw. He got a few weird looks from people, seeing as though he got the leather flavour, but they got used to it.

11:56 pm

Gir was watching the angry monkey show with his disguise on. He sat next to Mini Moose, discussing the plans for later that evening. Mini Moose was taken aback for a second, but eventually complied.

12:16 am (Midnight)

Gir was playing on 2fort and spamming the mic with his voice, as usual.

He didn't get banned because he was so good. He was good at alot of things, but he was just lazy sometimes.

1:00 AM

Gir sat quietly in the sewers with MiniMoose, waiting for their next victim.

The moonlight shone dimly through the sewer grate, almost taunting Gir at the promise Zim had made to Gir about the moon. Gir heard footsteps. He alerted MiniMoose.

A lady with dark purple hair and a skull necklace walked through the alley.

Gir suddenly broke open the grate and grabbed her by the ankle.


End file.
